tim

we received bad news yesterday about a friend recently made

a selfless, loving, gentle, handsome, kind person

an unexpected gift...a beautiful friend!

G O N E

without warning

and i wonder as i sit here sipping coffee

and reading happy blogs

and checking joyful facebook status messages

and catching glimpses of happy tweets

if, in a moment of weakness (and we all have those),

that he believed the lie that

every.one.else.is.happy.all.the.time

as i suit up to face the day i am reminded...again

i must ( i must!) move gently through this world speaking encouragement

freely sharing my smile to every soul who crosses my path

judging less, loving more

LOVING MORE

{that's it, isn't it?}

because everyone...every one...is fighting some kind of battle

noticing the numerals

i found this poster at ikea yesterday

took it down from its perch, pondered awhile and placed it back

i told my sister later...i found an amazing poster i love, but since we're on this new budget, i don't know....

when we rounded the corner, she exclaimed i knew it was that one! it's you!

{miss numbers and her big frame of a husband came home with us}

all of our ages are on there in one form or another...

brings back memories of asking wee ones can you find the number 2?

reminds me that there are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day, 365 days in a year...

my new artwork reminds me that numbers need attention!

so here's to a weekend making every second count...

decoratinglaundrycleaninglaughingsoccerdrivingreadingchurchlacrossewalking

cookingsingingplayingrestingchattingsmiling

... 5,   4,   3,   2,   1 ...

i wanna make them count!

mission

yesterday after we stood on a bridge, over a big pond, telling the story of the healing of Naaman in the Jordan River (2 Kings 5:1-15)


we asked our sunday school 6th graders if they wanted to be missionaries


"yes" they said, their eyes filled with questions


so we got out the construction paper, crayons and markers


because anyone who tells someone about Christ...


or shows someone the love of Christ...


is a missionary


our neighbor is gravely ill and in the hospital after surgery


she took a taxi to the hospital...i only know this because she called to ask us to retrieve her mail


no family or friends...just me {a neighbor 6 houses away} who visits she and her service dog, Missy



i told the kids that her healing, unlike Naaman's, will probably be Christ coming to take her to heaven soon


the words hung in the air as hands grasped crayons and children started drawing


i thought about another neighbor who is dying too soon


"absent from the body, present with the Lord"(2 Corinthians 5:8)...but the in-between can be so hard, Lord, I thought to myself


"Dear Delores,
I hope you stay faithful with God. Please stay rejoiceful because paradise is in front of you.
love, Bryce"




"God is with you, Delores!" love, Maddy


"For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved. Romans 10:10 love, Erin"


i brought the cards to Delores today and pray the children's words comfort 


pray that God's Word gives peace


i find it amazing that most of the children {who are, by the way, every bit your average pre-teens} immediately looked towards the good news of eternal life to comfort the dying


not many "get well soons"...


mostly a sense of "soon you will see the face of God!"


sometimes inspiration comes from unexpected places


and makes an ordinary classroom


in an ordinary church


holy ground

woOden anGels

The sun is shining today and I can't believe it's nearing the end of October already.

But I can bElieVe it when I'm in the stores...

cHristMas decorations spilling into the aisles!

(which is fine by me since I wrinkle my nose at the skeleton decorations)

Last year I saw this pretty AnGeL gracing a side table at my friend, Peigi's.

Oh, how I loved her!

I wanted to sTeaL her!

But stealing? An angel, no less? Heavens-to-Betsy!

So yesterday in Home Goods, (heaven on earth) I almost broke into the hallelujah chorus when her sisters stood watch from a high shelf!

I couldn't leave one an orphan by adopting her sister, could I?

I can tell they're happy in their new home...toGethEr.

I hope I don't find any more...the heAvenLy HoSt in my living room might be a bit much.

but entertaining angels is what we're supposed to do isn't it?

well, okay -- not tall wooden ones from Home Goods, but they'll remind me to extend hospitality to everyone in my little corner of the world. Angels are good reminders. And they often symbolize HoPe. Many in my corner need hope right now.

so much more than wooden angels, aren't they?

maybe the heavenly host in my living room wouldn't be so bad, after all.

Stay on good terms with each other, held together by love. Be ready with a meal or a bed when it's needed. Why, some have extended hospitality to angels without ever knowing it! hebrews 13:2

...when you're having fun

TIME FLIES...

Yowza! here's our full quiver 5 or 6 years ago.

I remember when the kids were little someone told me "the days go slow but the years fly by."

Now it's all flying.

I thought I was going to be 44 this month.

I'll be 45.

My young Dad (75 going on 50) had his first hospital stay last weekend. An irregular heartbeat..."common to people your age". Thankfully, his heart corrected itself and he's okay, but really? My Dad?

You are a mist that appears for a little while and than vanishes. (James 4:14)

We will be going on college visits this year with our beautiful daughter. How can that be?

Our calm and clear-headed son will be a high-schooler when the leaves fall next year. Wasn't it just yesterday that he fell off the jungle gym and broke his little leg?

And our sweet baby...gangly limbs fall off bed's edge at night. Big hands always moving. Stretching, growing, craving independence.

And my rock, my man, with head of dashing gray. We've been married 5 or 6 years, yes? No, 20 this June. 20.

And me, little crow's feet around my eyes, and permanent laugh lines around my mouth. And growing wisdom and a sense of perspective. A 25 year history with my God, and a depth of love I feel for Him that sometimes astounds me.

The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the Word of our God stands forever. (Isaiah 40:8)

I am like a green olive tree in the house of God; I trust in the mercy of God forever and ever. (Psalm 52:8)

An olive tree is evergreen. Always alive, always growing, limbs spreading and greenery flourishing. That was how David pictured himself as a child of God. The question of his place in the world had been settled. He would trust in God's love forever and ever. (Peter Wallace)

A child of God. I am!

So as the calendar pages flutter by, I have PEACE.

[May] mercy, peace, and love be yours in abundance (Jude 1:2)

Running

Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit!

No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever.



And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!

Hebrews 12:1-3 (The Message)

Claire & Henry

photo:celebritywonder.com

I saw The Time Traveler's Wife.

Maybe if I hadn't read the book it would have "wowed" me more. Can it be that hard to make a really great movie? In this case, the author of the book did all the hard work!

It could have been unbelievably fantastic, but for me? Not so much. Maybe a "B-" or "C" if I had to grade it.

One scene I truly loved though showed the power a mother's behavior has on her child. It reminded me, again, how our children, no matter their age, are watching and taking their cues from us on how to handle life. We can tell them the cup is half full, but when the rubber meets the road they believe behavior.

I'm glad my daughter (16) and I saw it in the theatre because we enjoyed a date night together, but I really thought it would be my new all-time favorite movie. I guess it's hard for any movie to live up to that! And, as in most cases, reading a book and using your imagination to create settings and characters beats a movie hands-down any day.

Don't fret if you wait for the dvd to hit your library. You'll enjoy the (free) movie this winter while sipping a warm cup of cocoa. Like the book, it makes you think about things in new ways and that's always a good thing.

Identity Crisis

lately i've been having a blogging identity crisis

after i re-read this post, i thought to myself...

wow. every party needs a pooper and i'm it

and then i visited a new blog...she was talking about feeling blue in that day's post and her anecdote being God's amazing Word...

but she had a majorly cool dance tune playing

that's more like the real me! i thought

a little bit funky. fun. refreshing. (at least that what's my friends tell me)

chippy paint. scripture. family. shopping. jesus. flowers. good books. great music. poetry. entertaining. prayers. alaska..........

this is you life, are you who you want to be*?

yea, pretty much.

but who am i as a blogger?

who have you decided to be?

*Switchfoot

Hating the Stones

no, not the Rolling Stones

kidney stones (they don't deserve a big font size)

i spent yesterday in bed, not writhing in pain (the usual drill) but uncomfortable



i am so glad we live in an age where I could take these pills

strong medicine

but those stones are little devils. i saved one once. how could anything so small feel like a broken, jagged Chilhuly chandelier traveling through me?

but the bright spot to being down...



...i got to gaze at these all day. my undeserved blessings.

and the two boyish ones couldn't do enough for me. so sweet! chicken noodle soup (without asking for it), checking in on me with the intercom, crawling in bed with me to watch a movie ("you get to choose, mom").

feeling much better today. and grateful for the ugliness of stones in my life

so that i can clearly see and experience the beauty that surrounds me

Seeking

Remember my cousin, Jennifer? Here she is with Michael Jackson when she did the BAD tour with him. We asked her about him ("is he as strange as they say?") but she never really said much of anything regarding Michael.
Here she is in real life...in the guitar world she is considered one of the best on the planet. A feat totally lost on our family (due to our collective lack of guitar knowledge), but we're proud none the less.

When I heard that Michael Jackson had died, I just felt so terribly sad for him. It seems like his soul hadn't known peace for such a very long time. One wonders if he can recall a time in his life when he did feel peace. He searched for peace all his life. I wonder if he ever sought the author of peace. Peace Himself.

If he hadn't, I am convinced that Peace called Michael again before he breathed his last.

...come to Me and I will give you rest.

I hope he accepted the invitation.

I pray my cousin knows the author of Peace.

Because everything else?

Chasing after the wind.

l

I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor.
Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless,
a chasing after the wind;
nothing was gained under the sun....
Even at night his mind does not rest.
This too is meaningless.
Ecclesiastes 2:10-11, 23

Keys to My Heart

Home again. Safe and sound.

Our daughter had the time of her young life in Europe...Austria, Hungary, and Poland...singing scheduled concerts in churches and impromptu concerts on the cobblestone streets.

Our daughter is not a shopper. And she thinks the beautiful old stuff I buy for our home is "junk". Like her father, she will lovingly ask "now where are you going to put that?" On this trip she bought a $5 t-shirt and a sweatshirt only because she needed them.

So her buying us gifts during her trip is extra special...

...a t-shirt for her Dad, Budapest pencils for her brothers, and a beautiful necklace and paprika (Hungary is known for this spice) for me. She was excited to give me my last gift and explained how she even had to leave the group once because she had forgotten it in a restroom somewhere in Poland.

drumroll, please...

Keys.

She bought me old keys in Krakow!

From a 90 year old non-English speaking man sitting "carving something" under an umbrella in the rain.

I love my keys. LOVE them!

But they mean so much to me because our daughter "gets me" and went to all the trouble to purruse an outdoor antique market in Krakow, Poland, in the rain, to find a gift for me. I love that girl like crazy.

And I love her brothers who, in their own special ways, welcomed her home. The "baby" by making her a sign and the teenager by asking to stay up late to look at her pictures and hear her stories.

Blessings all mine with ten thousand besides.

The Sound of Music

Our daughter gets to sing HERE tonight...

Hayden Hall in Eisenstadt, Austria...the birthplace of composer Joseph Haydn. Records of the city date back to 1118. Gives me goosebumps thinking about her singing here.

k

I hope she remembers this trip all the days of her life.

k

A painter paints pictures on canvas.

But musicians paint their pictures on silence.

~Leopold Stokowski

19

19 years today. wow.

steve and I met our senior year of college and became close friends. we both dated other people, but a friend reminded me recently that i always invited steve on my dates. we studied together through grad school. he saved my neck when computers were big machines with floppy disks and i would make a mess of things. his dad met me and told his wife "I met the girl steve should marry today." we graduated. we broke up with our significant others. he helped me move from college to home. i moved to Virginia. he moved to northern ohio. he attended a wedding with me on labor day weekend, 1989. things were different. he proposed a month later. he drove to see me every weekend for 6 months. we married on June 2, 1990.

without him i would be lost.

and homeless...because he likes to save money. (who knew people really did that?)

you know i love you, steve. more everyday.

*This is Us by Mark Knopfler was playing on a halibut fishing boat in Homer, AK as Steve and I, and the kids, were reeling in 25 pound fish. I've loved it ever since because it reminds me of us and the incredible adventures God has thrust us into these past few years.

Prairie Time!

Lots of THIS to get there. Cornfields on the right. Beans on the left. Do you see the windmills in the distance? They look like something from a sci-fi movie!

Aunt Gail, Jerry and Cousin Katie knocked themselves out for our visit to the farm. Here are some of us (me in the bright blue, Madison in the dark, cousin Kaitlynne and Tommy's back) busy making smores.

An uncle's barn. Years ago there was an oil painting of this barn for sale in the Cafe and we didn't buy it. Drats. I love this barn.

A mama and her boys.
Have I told you what an incredible family I married into?



The birthday church. She doesn't look a day over 125.



Boys in the mud.

Cousins in the stream. Wonder what they were chatting about.

More Prairie pictures soon...

LOST

Oh my.

I know that I seem to see most everything through spiritual eyes (or at least I try), but this opening scene of Lost's finale is incredible. And I wasn't forcing something that wasn't there!

God ("Jacob," in the white shirt) and Satan ("Samuel," in the black shirt) having a polite conversation.

We don't watch too much television around here, but Steve and I have kept up with Lost and The Office on a regular basis. We finally watched the last of the finale last night. Our daughter had watched it the day before.

After seeing the end, we played the opening scene (the link above) and couldn't believe it. I ran in to tell our daughter our theory and she was equally excited. Before I turned her light off, she said "wow! our conversation in Spanish tomorrow is gonna be good...we always discuss Lost."

Today in Spanish II, a group of teens whispering in the back of the classroom will be talking about God.

I love how He works.

Walking

flikr, noahb

And so I dust myself off and continue my journey.

Life is like that...one big journey. With the news of my friend's sudden death last week, I ended up running back to pathways I'd travelled 20 years ago. Others came running back, too. We left loved ones, yelling over our shoulders as we dropped everything and took off. They stood, bewildered, as we ran.

We fell into each others' arms as we stood at the spot...this was not the reason we should be returning. Are we dreaming?

The place back on the path has become overgrown and lifeless. We pull apart the brambles and resurrect beautiful memories. We remember our beloved friend and laugh through our tears and shock.

But we weren't meant to stay here for very long. We become weary of trying to rationalize the irrational.

Before we leave, some of us point to God..."See Him? Do you know Him? He is in control. We can trust Him even though we do not understand." When we first travelled this pathway, God wasn't mentioned much. But if I say, "I will not mention him or speak any more in his name," his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot. (Jeremiah 20:9). I speak of Him now. Gently. I have no choice.

Our loved ones are calling us from ahead and we want to return to them. And so we carefully tuck away our memories. Life is so fragile...we are reminded of that back at this place. We say goodbye to our friend, here in this place where her spirit is alive and joyful. We hear her laugh and feel her touch. How powerful memories are! We have needed each other to help retrieve the memories from the depths of our hearts. But we must go.

I see my loved ones in the distance. Their eyes full of love and compassion.

I pass friends, new and old, as I walk. I am tired. I hadn't been ready to run so suddenly and so far, but their encouragement strengthens me. I am so grateful.

And I am back.

Waves

I had forgotten that grief comes in waves.

And I remember...

I know the One who calms my sea.

l

So grateful for your friendship here.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Overwhelming Grief

When Jesus saw her sobbing and the Jews with her sobbing, a deep anger welled up within him. He said, "Where did you put him?"
"Master, come and see," they said. Now Jesus wept. (John 11:33-34)

Last week my friends and I talked about the reason for Jesus' anger. I said that I thought he was angry at death...furious at Satan...enraged because this wasn't how life was supposed to be when His Father created us. This grief...this overwhelming and suffocating grief He had! His friend Lazarus...gone.

4 days later, I sit here grief-stricken and angry. My friend, a true soul-sister and kindred spirit, one who stood beside me on my wedding day, is gone.

We hadn't talked for years as the miles got the best of us. But our friendship was held together by invisible heart strings and we are Princesses of the same King.

I have no memories of her other than us laughing. Except the day I moved back to Ohio. That day we cried for a long while.

The coronor has ruled her death a suicide. Suicide. When her husband said the word it was like a punch in the gut. It cannot be. It. cannot. be.

He (Satan) was a killer from the very start. He couldn't stand the truth because there wasn't a shred of truth in him. When the Liar speaks, he makes it up out of his lying nature and fills the world with lies. John 8:44

I am angry that for a brief moment, my beloved friend believed a lie from the pit of hell that said taking her life was a solution to whatever obstacles she faced. Had he been lying to her for a long time about other things? Had he convinced her that she was no Princess at all? I am livid that he could have been hurling insults and lies at her for months...years. No wonder she was weary. The evil one is ruthless and tireless. I sit here looking at a picture of my friend...her hand on someone's shoulder and her tongue sticking out. I remember we laughed after I snapped the photo. My friend would not take her own life. Of this I have no doubt.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12

We need each other, friends. The world is full of lies and we know the Truth. Jesus Christ. Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ. Nothing. Let us put on the full armor of Christ, let us teach our children how to suit up, remind our spouses, and let us encourage our sisters to dress for the battle.

How dare the thief try to steal what was never his.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Time

Here I am at 18. Ready to set out for college. I ended up at

"Harvard on the Hocking" (Ohio University).

I loved every single minute in this special and magical town. I sang in the community choir, I joined a sorority, I did public relations work for the School of Dance, I studied a lot, I changed my major, I laughed, I stayed for grad school, I met my husband.

This past weekend I revisited this place and caught up with sorority sisters I hadn't seen for 22 years. Most of our sentences began with the words "remember when..." I received my 25 year sorority pin. (Whoa) I visited my freshman dorm room. I took a picture of the phone booth (now bolted shut) where I used to call my parents before our telephone was hooked up in our room (and cry when I heard their voices say "hello" because even though I loved college...I loved them more).

Life moves fast.

Walking the brick walkways of my college town, the spring breeze blowing through my hair, old friends beside me, I turned my chin upwards and smiled.

Thank you, God, for the places, the people, the memories....

My life.

Trust and Obey

*new mirrors from Marshall's

I believe in God. And I will tell you His ways are always best.

Sometimes (too often) I choose my own way.

But today I chose His...which didn't make human sense...but I was tired of the nudging.

I've had a student this semester who has stretched me, both in my teaching and in my spirit. I hadn't planned on killing pride in my heart (again) this semester, but alas, I have been busy doing just that. I hate when I think I've mastered something only to have it rear its ugly head yet again. Anyway, I am glad to be finishing up this course, mostly because I am weary of this student (who, I am sure, is weary of me, too) and the refining process of my spirit.

l

Earlier in the semester, out of the blue, I felt God directing me to pray for his salvation. I don't know if he knows Jesus or not, but I prayed. More recently the nudges in my spirit started...

"Give Him a copy of The Shack. "

I pretty much ignored the nudges. (Why hello, Pride, how are you today?)

This morning, the last day I would see him (probably forever),

I got another nudge. "Give him The Shack."

But, Lord, he has not been kind to me. He has been disrespectful.

I do not want to give him one of my books.

God said to my spirit that He knew all that. And I think He still wanted him to have the book. (Or maybe He just wanted ME to learn a lesson. Perhaps the book had nothing to do with anything!) Swell.

So I called him up before class started. I handed him his final paper and grade, told him he could stay for the review session if he chose, but there was no reason he needed to review for an exam he wouldn't be taking. He asked if it would hurt my feelings if he left.

HUH? Hurt my feelings? No, no. Not at all.

And then I handed him a copy of The Shack and said "I think you'll like this."

He was puzzled. He asked if he had to give it back. I assured him it was a gift from me to him. Consider it a graduation gift, I said.

And then he apologized to me.

Apologized. To me. For being a "nuisance" all semester.

I smiled and told him I appreciated his apology. He smiled back.

I was smiling at my student, of course. A genuine smile.

But I was also smiling at God.

He can be pretty bossy. Especially when I pout.

But He's always right.

It is a wonderful life with God. Even though sometimes it's hard.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. Isaiah 55:8